Love you Ru!
Suicide doesn't end pain.
It only lays it
of the survivors..........
.........Your friends and family who are
left behind to wonder
Some visitors may have wondered why
I have chosen to put this
as the first thing you see on Rosies site.
Like I am proud of it or something.
Or focusing her death...
and not her life.
Not at all.
I am just trying to bring awareness to the devastating
after affects of this choice
that is made by
over 30,000 Americans every year.
And some visitors
won't read all the
way to the bottom of the page.
(please take the time)
We never saw it coming.
You probably won't either.
But these 30,000 Americans are related to someone.
Don't let this affect your family!
Rosie, Jeffrey and Kitty
"There will be no goodbyes
For wherever you are,
you will always be in our hearts."
This memorial website was created in loving memory of Rosanne Renae Lowe who was born in Hoffman Estates, Illinois on April 20, 1984 and passed away on June 14, 2006 at the age of 22.
Rosanne was known to many as Rosie, Ro, Ro Ro, Ru, Ru Ru, Roose, Rooseburps, RoRo Go Wreck, (for her 10 fender benders in the first year she had her license), Rolie, (when she rolled her jeep) Masufra, (lovingly) and when she was in trouble, ROSANNE RENAE!
Rosie was the baby,
following in behind sisters
Megan and Sara.
Each child planned for, each 2 years apart, each loved and cherished for their own unique personalities, and each child very special
and very necessary.
Rosie completed our family.
Rosie had the gift of gab (or not) and you could often put the phone down or leave the room and she would still be talking,
not missing a beat
While she always meant well, she had a tendency to impulsively say the wrong thing or
say it in the wrong way,
keeping her in a constant state of apology.
But that was Rosie;
we were hoping she’d grow out of it.
She had a smile that could blind you and wanted to be a friend to everyone. She would do any favor, for anyone, except of course, Saturday chores or any physical work at home. For that, right up till the end, she had to be bribed or threatened.
Rosie loved me, her dad, her sisters and
She loved homegrown tomatoes, KFC, my sloppy joes, my meatloaf, McChicken with cheese,
and my stuffing balls.
She loved her nephews, her kitten, Yorkie Puppies,
the group Alabama, rummage sales,
her job, her friends,
Maybe not all in that order.
Someone also mentioned UV Bombs.....
Rosie’s choice has left us in a devastated state of confusion, anguish and still today, disbelief that she is not here anymore.
Each of us still have her on speed dial and often try to call her before we realize, oh yeah…...,
Something put her in that frame of mind that night.
Alcohol, her love life (or lack of), who knows.
We don’t believe that Rosie meant her suicide
attempt to be successful.
She was planning a future!
She talked of children one day!
Country Thunder was coming up and
we always went together.
She had already purchased her Dave Matthews ticket. She filled her gas tank that morning.
She had never even been on an airplane!
It just doesn't make sense!!!!
The coroner said she only took 5 pills. She could have taken the whole bottle of 120.
But she was drinking. And left a note....
And suicide by definition is
causing your own death.
Accidental or not.
We only know that she impulsively
lost her hope for the future.
And as it's been said,
"suicide is a permanent solution
to a temporary problem."
So our Rosie has become another statistic.
More on that later…..
And still is.
In our hearts forever!
Auntie Ro Ro sure loved Jacob.
And was determined to be his favorite Aunt!
Thank you Darla!
Their last picture together. Dec 2005.
Rosie was there in spirit!
Sara was not sure we should keep her......
Gotta love her.
A Mother's Grief
You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go
How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see
You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.
Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.
Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.
Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?
No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?
I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.
How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?
Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,
watched it perched above a grave?
You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.
If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.
Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."
Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do too.
I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.
Love you little sister!
Meet us at the gate Rosie....
A child who loses a parent is an Orphan,
A man who loses his wife is a Widower,
A woman who loses her husband is a Widow.
There is no name for a parent that loses a child
for there is no word to describe the pain.
We walked together, you and I. A mother and her Daughter, We had hopes and dreams for tomorrow, But tomorrow didn't come.
We walked together, you and I. We talked, we laughed, we loved. We shared so many happy times And for that, I thank the lord above.
We walked together, You and I, But only for a short time. For all too soon it ended Leaving pieces of broken hearts behind.
And even though I miss you, More than words can say, I thank God that I got to walk with you Every precious moment of every day....
Poem written by another grieving Mother
The sun rises, then sets. I still exist.
And spring is on the loom.
First your birthday, a 23,
that you won't be,
And then your angel date.
Neither a day that we will celebrate.
The only joy
That it marks a year of firsts
And brings me that much closer to you.
I love you Rosie!
You are missed beyond belief.
"Your life stops right there. Just stops. And when it starts up again, it's different. It's never what it was before that moment. Never." (author unknown)
We ask that those of you who knew and loved her take a moment and share some of your memories of her with us all, by contributing your memories and pictures to this website.
Little Visits from Rosie
I had a dream that Rosie was floating face up in a knee deep water fountain or pond. Her long hair was flowing all around her and Collier was giving her CPR. (not sure what that was all about)
Then she was ok.
She told me she wanted to come back, but couldn't.
But that we could hang out anytime I wanted to, in my dreams.
I was so happy when I woke up. That would be good enough because I could be with her every night!
Rosie had never been on an airplane. I wear her ashes in a heart shaped necklace so she took her first trip with me, headed to Atlanta.
We left Chicago and I immediately started getting air sick. I have NEVER been airsick. It was Rosie, saying "get me off this plane!!"
I stayed nausiated all the way to Indianapolis, where I changed planes. The next leg of the flight was a little better. Rosie
was getting used to it……
She has been on 8 plane trips since and loves it.
Rosie, I had a dream last nite! You had come back to marry Tony! In the dream, you were here but not really. Like you had moved to Australia and had to go back soon.
Your hair had gotten much longer and was beautiful. You were standing across a field, near a pond and I walked toward you slowly because I thought that the closer I got to you, you would slip away. But as I got closer, you were still there and when I got to you I hugged you so hard! I had your head in the crook of my arm and I was giving you a million little kisses, like I did when you were little. It was such a good dream and I felt so good when I woke up. I wish you could come to me every night. I love you Rosie!!
Megan and Sara both broke out with chicken pox the morning I went into the hospital to have Rosie. Megan had a mild case but Sara's was pretty severe. In her mouth, ears, everywhere.
The doctor gave Rosie a shot so she hopefully would not get it too. She wound up getting 2 little pox anyway and the
Doctor said that may or may not be enough to keep her from getting it again.
She wound up with shingles when she was 3 years old that completely encircled her torso. It was awful and she had been
plagued with cold sores ever since.
On my birthday this year, I woke up with a cold sore on my lip. Thanks Rosie.....
The day after Christmas, David left in the motorhome for a 3 week visit with his family in North Georgia.
He really needed to get away and the plan was for me to fly down for a weeks vacation and drive back with him.
One thing led to another at work and I had to keep putting off my vacation. It was getting very stressful being apart. No one on this planet feels like I do except David and I couldn't wait to get away so we could comfort each other. David's back pain was feeling better in the warmer weather so I encouraged him to stay.
It was 10 weeks before I got my vacation time. I was frazzeled, stressed, you name it. I decided to meet him in
Pensacola for a week on the beach and just relax.
My plane in Chicago had to be de-iced twice and we were late taking off. It kind of freaked me out but Rosie was ok with it…..
I had a connecting flight in Atlanta and by the time I got to the gate, they had closed it. I had missed my flight!
The next one wasn't for 6 hours! I sat down and started to cry. I just wanted to be with David.
Rosie loved the Stevie Wonder song "I just called to say I love you". She used to call me at work and sing it. I would put her
on the speaker phone and my co workers would laugh and she would get mad. But she kept calling and singing and I kept putting her on speaker phone. It became a game.
From her new job, she would email me three separate emails,
I just called.....
I love you.
She sent it to me at 3:48 the day she died. It was my last correspondence with her.
I sat in the Atlanta airport, by myself, crying, sobbing actually, and suddenly over the music system, I hear Stevie Wonder.
I just called...., to say...., I love you.
It was Rosie comforting me. I love you Rosie. Thank you!
Finally, another dream! I don't know where we were, in a small dark room, maybe the outer area of a ladies restroom, there was a wall size mirror. Megan and Sara were doing their hair and Rosie was there, with her long and beautiful hair. She looked a little older and seemed more mature. Not her goofy, chatty self. We were so happy to see her! As we walked out of that room, I was hugging and kissing her non stop. I couldn't get enough kisses in. She didn't know why I was acting that way. I told her I have not seen you in so long and I am so happy to see you!!! She rolled her eyes at me, Oh Mom, like I was over reacting.
That is all I remember. But enough to get me thru till the next visit. I love you Rosie!
In my dream, Rosie is standing at my bedroom door. She whispers, I'm sorry.....I'm sorry......I'm sorry.... over and over.
I can hear her, far away, but as I begin to wake up, she stops. She just wanted to make sure I heard her.
I love you so much Rosie. I know that you are sorry. We are sorry too, that we didn't know. And couldn't help you.
Finally, another dream. You woke up from your "coma" and did not remember what happened or why.
All you could talk about was all the favorite things
you wanted to eat, listing them one by one.
So thankful just to see your face and hear your sweet voice again. I love you Rosie, always and forever.
Rosie had come home for a visit. And she was "allowed" to stay the whole weekend! It was just like she had moved away or something. Matt kept saying that he was so happy to have finally met Rosie! And Darcy flew in for the weekend when she found out. Everyone was so happy.
It was a great dream Rosie. You looked happy, healthy, vibrant. Excited to see us. Thank you Rosie, I really needed to see you again.
Our local superstore had a locket on the front page of their flyer this week for Valentines Day.
It was a sterling silver heart with a pink rose and the words "I Love You" written on it. I walked around the entire counter looking for it and finally, the last case had it. I debated whether or not I should buy it because I already wear a heart with Rosie's ashes in it. And I really didn't have the money but it was so cute, and I could put Rosie's picture in it...
As I was contemplating, from far away over the music system, I heard a familiar tune. It is the very song you hear now, Over the Rainbow by Eva Cassidy. I have NEVER heard this version anywhere but on another memorial site and here. I just know it was Rosie reaching out, the only way she can.
I wanted to stand there in the middle of this crowded store with my eyes closed and just absorb every bit of her that I could.
But then I realized that people were staring at me.
I love you Rosie! Always and Forever!
To be continued.......
When Someone is Too Bruised to be Touched
By Ron Rolheiser July 7, 2002
A few days ago, I was asked to visit a family who had, just that day, lost their son to suicide. There isn't much one can offer by way of consolation, even faith consolation, at a moment like this, when everyone is in shock and the pain is so raw. Few things can so devastate us as the suicide of a loved one, especially of one's own child. There is the horrific shock of losing a loved one so suddenly which, just of itself, can bring us to our knees; but, with suicide, there are other soul-wrenching feelings too, confusion, guilt, second-guessing, religious anxiety. Where did we fail this person? What might we still have done? What should we have noticed? What is this person's state with God? What needs to be said about all of this:
First of all, that suicide is a disease and the most misunderstood of all sicknesses. It takes a person out of life against his or her will, the emotional equivalent of cancer, a stroke, or a heart attack. Second, we, those left behind, need not spend undue energy second-guessing as to how we might have failed that person, what we should have noticed, and what we might still have done to prevent the suicide. Suicide is an illness and, as with any sickness, we can love someone and still not be able to save that person from death. God loved this person too and, like us, could not, this side of eternity, do anything either. Finally, we shouldn't worry too much about how God meets this person on the other side. God's love, unlike ours, can go through locked doors and touch what will not allow itself to be touched by us.
Is this making light of suicide? Hardly. Anyone who has ever dealt with either the victim of a suicide before his or her death or with those grieving that death afterwards knows that it is impossible to make light of it. There is no hell and there is no pain like the one suicide inflicts. Nobody who is healthy wants to die and nobody who is healthy wants to burden his or her loved ones with this kind of pain. And that's the point: This is only done when someone isn't healthy. The fact that medication can often prevent suicide should tell us something. Suicide is an illness not a sin. Nobody just calmly decides to commit suicide and burden his or her loved ones with that death any more than anyone calmly decides to die of cancer and cause pain.
The victim of suicide (in all but rare cases) is a trapped person, caught up in a fiery, private chaos that has its roots both in his or her emotions and in his or her bio-chemistry. Suicide is a desperate attempt to end unendurable pain, akin to one throwing oneself through a window because one's clothing is on fire. Many of us have known victims of suicide and we know too that in almost every case that person was not full of ego, pride, haughtiness, and the desire to hurt someone. Generally it's the opposite. The victim has cancerous problems precisely because he or she is wounded, raw, and too-bruised to have the necessary resiliency needed to deal with life. Those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide know that the problem is not one of strength but of weakness, the person is too-bruised to be touched. I remember a comment I over-heard at a funeral for a suicide victim. The priest had preached badly, hinting that this suicide was somehow the man's own fault and that suicide was always the ultimate act of despair. At the reception afterwards a neighbor of the victim expressed his displeasure at the priest's homily: "There are a lot of people in this world who should kill themselves," he lamented bitterly, "but those kind never do! This man is the last person who should have killed himself because he was one of the most sensitive people I've ever met!" A book could be written on that statement. Too often it is precisely the meek who seem to lose the battle, at least in this world.
Finally, I submit that we shouldn't worry too much about how God meets our loved ones who have fallen victim to suicide. God, as Jesus assures us, has a special affection for those of us who are too-bruised and wounded to be touched. Jesus assures us too that God's love can go through locked doors and into broken places and free up what's paralyzed and help that which can no longer help itself. God is not blocked when we are. God can reach through. And so our loved ones who have fallen victim to suicide are now inside of God's embrace, enjoying a freedom they could never quite enjoy here and being healed through a touch that they could never quite accept from us.
My heartfelt thanks to all the graphic artists that helped me with this site! Many of you grieving yourselves but using your talents for good.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Suicide, it's out there...
Suicide doesn't end pain.
It only lays it on the
of the survivors.
I guess in trying to make some sense of this senseless act, or at least find some purpose for Rosie’s death, I am compelled,
or was propelled actually,
to suicide awareness and prevention. It’s out there! Don’t allow yourself or a loved one to become another statistic!
If someone says they are going to go home and take some pills, believe them and call someone for help!
It’s better to have a mad friend, than a dead friend.
Leaving a note and saying you are sorry does not lessen the pain and devastation that is left behind.
If you yourself feel that way, talk to someone! Talk to me!
It doesn't mean you're crazy! And nothing to be ashamed of!Research says that a person "thinks" of suicide at least three times in their lives. And sometimes it's just not that easy to "snap out of it."
The world will not be a better place without you!
You are loved!!
By your friends and family and
our God who created you!
If you are in crisis, call 1-800-273-TALK
Your crisis is temporary, death is permanent!
Please take time to view the following websites,
whether you are in crisis or not.
If Rosie knew what this would do to us, she could not have given up.
Rosie told several people what she planned to do that night. But they either didn’t believe her or as in J.G.'s case,
told her he didn’t care.
I think she felt obligated to call their bluff.
Their heads were spinning with disbelief the next morning,
as were ours.
You would not believe the statistics on suicide,
over 30,000 a year in the United States alone.
That's one American every 16 minutes,
of every day
that completes a suicide attempt.
A suicide attempt is made every minute of every day.
More than homicide, more than Aids. It is an epidemic, but you don't see that on the news. Are the schools addressing this? Is anyone???
These figures only represent ruled suicides. If Rosie had not left a note (she did), her death would have been ruled accidental.
Now figure this.
Only one in five leave a note.
How many suicides are there really every year?
Talk about this to your loved ones today.
Use Rosie as an example if you want to.
And if you want to know the devastation that's left in the aftermath, contact me.
Just don't think it can't happen in your family.
These 30,000 Americans are related to someone!
THE SUICIDE MEMORIAL WALL
Rosie is in section #6